Some things in life are meant to be ugly.
Someone ignores you in the hall for something you don't remember doing and aren't sure if there's actually a legitimate reason for his or her behavior.
Someone stops attending meetings because he or she has suddenly taken a dislike to your politics.
Someone tells you that your dog died, when in fact your dog is doing just fine. It was only a comment to tug on your nerves.
Some things are just like that. Ugly.
On the other hand, some things are simply miscommunications.
That person ignoring you in the hallway actually has something much larger on his or her plate because a boyfriend or girlfriend recently confessed to all sorts of illegal activity and wants to have that person cover up for him/her.
The person who stopped showing up for meetings really just never gets on Facebook anymore and has been waiting for an email telling him/her of dates and times but you in fact are the one who forgot to put that person on your email list...
The person who said your dog died, didn't even know you had a dog. He or she was simply expressing frustration that a roommate was angry with him or her.
Miscommunications.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
a time when anarchy sounds good
I just finished watching 24:Redemption. Apparently JACK'S BACK!
I don't care if Jack's back or not. He played a great role in the tv movie, to be sure, but my focus is on two things: the situation in Sangala and how it directly correlates to that in Uganda, Congo, Sudan, Colombia, and countless other countries the world over; and the basic fundamentals of democracy.
Look at Uganda today. There is fighting in the streets of once-peaceful cities, but those cities have not known such peace for well over twenty years. Twenty years of war between a rebel army and a corrupt government. Who's the good guy? How do the people just trying to live their lives choose whom to support in order to stay safe? There is no true answer. Children in schools and hospitals and sports arenas and any other gathering place taken by both armies to be used as soldiers or sex slaves if they're lucky, human shields if they're not. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
Democracy. President elect Allison Taylor quoted someone as saying "the people elect the democracy they deserve." This also upsets me. Initially I found it to be a wonderful quote, but look at the kind of governments have been elected in other countries. Look at the presidents we ourselves have elected in the past. These are not all wholesome people; they are not all smart and charismatic; they are not all good for the country as a whole. Do we deserve anything less than the best? I do not believe we do. And do we choose less than the best? Not at all. We choose what we think will help us into the future best. The secrets of Congress, the CIA, the FBI, the White House, the governments of other nations--all these things add up to the corruption that 24 showed. America was essentially funding the rebel army while also trying to give aid to the Sangalan government...rather revolting how individual people can shape this world if they get enough support...or is that oddly comforting?
I don't care if Jack's back or not. He played a great role in the tv movie, to be sure, but my focus is on two things: the situation in Sangala and how it directly correlates to that in Uganda, Congo, Sudan, Colombia, and countless other countries the world over; and the basic fundamentals of democracy.
Look at Uganda today. There is fighting in the streets of once-peaceful cities, but those cities have not known such peace for well over twenty years. Twenty years of war between a rebel army and a corrupt government. Who's the good guy? How do the people just trying to live their lives choose whom to support in order to stay safe? There is no true answer. Children in schools and hospitals and sports arenas and any other gathering place taken by both armies to be used as soldiers or sex slaves if they're lucky, human shields if they're not. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
Democracy. President elect Allison Taylor quoted someone as saying "the people elect the democracy they deserve." This also upsets me. Initially I found it to be a wonderful quote, but look at the kind of governments have been elected in other countries. Look at the presidents we ourselves have elected in the past. These are not all wholesome people; they are not all smart and charismatic; they are not all good for the country as a whole. Do we deserve anything less than the best? I do not believe we do. And do we choose less than the best? Not at all. We choose what we think will help us into the future best. The secrets of Congress, the CIA, the FBI, the White House, the governments of other nations--all these things add up to the corruption that 24 showed. America was essentially funding the rebel army while also trying to give aid to the Sangalan government...rather revolting how individual people can shape this world if they get enough support...or is that oddly comforting?
A penny for my thoughts
If I had a penny for every thought I have over the course of a year, a month, a week, maybe even a day or an hour I could probably donate all that money to Invisible Children and single-handedly win the schools for schools competition. I think a lot.
Last night, driving from St. Louis back to Columbia in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 3 and a half hours, I thought about a whole slew of things including temperatures in various parts of the world, the likelihood that the fish in the bowl in my lap would survive the remainder of the trip, wondering what Jon was listening to on his iPod in the backseat, etc. Most importantly, I thought about Ben.
I remember when Ben and I would spend hours together in his basement, reading lyrics, playing music, writing songs that would probably never go anywhere. It was simple and it was heartfelt and it was fun. Now Ben wants nothing to do with St. Louis and so he refuses to come in town. That hurts. I understand that it is no personal slight towards me, but I can't get past that when he talks so exclusively: "i hate it there", "there's nothing worth coming in town for", "all my friends are up here."
What am I worth, then? Am I going to see Ben again? I don't have the answers, as much as I wish I did.
On another note, I've been weaseling my way into this Roadie position for weeks now and I'm not about to stop. Christmas list 2008: video camera, TOMS shoes, Beedle the Bard (yes I have not grown out of my Harry Potter phase), and IC apparel. How does this help you may ask? I now have a high-quality way of recording my time on the road, the shoes that give back, reading material for the most epic road trip of my life, and clothes that not only represent my organization and my cause but also help to pay for the schools and supplies of children in Northern Uganda.
I have been waiting for so long to do this--four years in fact--and am eternally grateful to Lauren Bazan, Rebecca Willis, Patrick Campbell, and Eugene Kim for encouraging me to apply and get moving! Working with this organization has done so much for me already and I can truly never repay them...but I want to try.
I've become president of a student organization my freshman year of college; I've spoken in front of 14 classes at my high school and organized how those would be carried out; I've kept in contact with people all over the United States simply by being a creeper on Facebook and letting them know I'm with IC; I've built a network of people at Mizzou that are about as dedicated as I am to this cause; I've been exposed to some of the untold horrors of the world; I've been given the opportunity to correct some of them; I've been able to plan out my future better becaues I do so based on what I believe most strongly in; I've learned patience, though it is still difficult.
I want to work with Invisible Children--to dedicate my life to a cause
Last night, driving from St. Louis back to Columbia in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 3 and a half hours, I thought about a whole slew of things including temperatures in various parts of the world, the likelihood that the fish in the bowl in my lap would survive the remainder of the trip, wondering what Jon was listening to on his iPod in the backseat, etc. Most importantly, I thought about Ben.
I remember when Ben and I would spend hours together in his basement, reading lyrics, playing music, writing songs that would probably never go anywhere. It was simple and it was heartfelt and it was fun. Now Ben wants nothing to do with St. Louis and so he refuses to come in town. That hurts. I understand that it is no personal slight towards me, but I can't get past that when he talks so exclusively: "i hate it there", "there's nothing worth coming in town for", "all my friends are up here."
What am I worth, then? Am I going to see Ben again? I don't have the answers, as much as I wish I did.
On another note, I've been weaseling my way into this Roadie position for weeks now and I'm not about to stop. Christmas list 2008: video camera, TOMS shoes, Beedle the Bard (yes I have not grown out of my Harry Potter phase), and IC apparel. How does this help you may ask? I now have a high-quality way of recording my time on the road, the shoes that give back, reading material for the most epic road trip of my life, and clothes that not only represent my organization and my cause but also help to pay for the schools and supplies of children in Northern Uganda.
I have been waiting for so long to do this--four years in fact--and am eternally grateful to Lauren Bazan, Rebecca Willis, Patrick Campbell, and Eugene Kim for encouraging me to apply and get moving! Working with this organization has done so much for me already and I can truly never repay them...but I want to try.
I've become president of a student organization my freshman year of college; I've spoken in front of 14 classes at my high school and organized how those would be carried out; I've kept in contact with people all over the United States simply by being a creeper on Facebook and letting them know I'm with IC; I've built a network of people at Mizzou that are about as dedicated as I am to this cause; I've been exposed to some of the untold horrors of the world; I've been given the opportunity to correct some of them; I've been able to plan out my future better becaues I do so based on what I believe most strongly in; I've learned patience, though it is still difficult.
I want to work with Invisible Children--to dedicate my life to a cause
Sunday, November 16, 2008
10:32 thoughts on life
It's 10:32 am on Sunday November 16. I'm only five days away from Thanksgiving break and OH do I need it. I have to say I am still loving life, but now I'm a bit disappointed and slightly uncertain about some things. Most of all, I'm nervous now about my roadie application. I think Shawn Schmalken had a much better chance than I did at getting the roadie position, and yet, here he is getting rejected. He's disappointed, sure, but he'll be fine. I don't know if I'll be fine if I get rejected. I've poured so much effort into this. I've tried to get people to support me so I improve my chances of being told yes. I've thrown myself into the club at Mizzou to try and keep my interest and faith alive. I don't know if that's enough. I'm so excited to meet these people with whom I've had contact for the past several months and to actually feel like I'm doing something with my life. I don't know what'll happen if all that is taken away from me with a simple "no."
I really want to make a difference in the world. I want to have the same effect on people's lives that Invisible Children has had on my own life. If I had not discovered this organization in 2005, would I be here now? Probably not. I probably would be at Mizzou, still, but certainly not president of IC:MU and certainly not associating with people from all over the US, and certainly not devoting my life to a cause with little to no security. There is competition in this world, even within nonprofit organizations. I want nothing more than to be a part of it, but getting there is going to take some work.
I'm not much one for praying anymore, but on occasion I ask the god(s) to watch over particular people like my roadie friends and my family and friends. I ask now that he/she/they watch over me as I try to come to terms with my very real situation. This is not life or death, but it could change a lot for me and I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of change yet.
I'll just have to keep the excitement alive and continue working for what I believe is right. Hopefully everything will work out as planned and I can be an influence and inspiration for someone else.
This is an example of what I've been working on for the past couple months. With any luck this will be a huge success and I can prove to Natasha and to Aaron that Mizzou is here to stay and that I personally am ready to devote my life to this cause.
I really want to make a difference in the world. I want to have the same effect on people's lives that Invisible Children has had on my own life. If I had not discovered this organization in 2005, would I be here now? Probably not. I probably would be at Mizzou, still, but certainly not president of IC:MU and certainly not associating with people from all over the US, and certainly not devoting my life to a cause with little to no security. There is competition in this world, even within nonprofit organizations. I want nothing more than to be a part of it, but getting there is going to take some work.
I'm not much one for praying anymore, but on occasion I ask the god(s) to watch over particular people like my roadie friends and my family and friends. I ask now that he/she/they watch over me as I try to come to terms with my very real situation. This is not life or death, but it could change a lot for me and I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of change yet.
I'll just have to keep the excitement alive and continue working for what I believe is right. Hopefully everything will work out as planned and I can be an influence and inspiration for someone else.
This is an example of what I've been working on for the past couple months. With any luck this will be a huge success and I can prove to Natasha and to Aaron that Mizzou is here to stay and that I personally am ready to devote my life to this cause.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
YES WE DID!
President Barack Obama! It feels so good to say that. This is history. It wouldn't matter how the vote fell; the winner and loser of the election would both certainly have made every history textbook, every newspaper, every household of minorities and majorities alike.
I can't wait to have kids in the white house again. I can't wait to have global issues on the front burner and actively taken into consideration. I want to dedicate my life to global issues, and it'll all take place with Obama in office.
I can't wait until this time next year when I'm a roadie for Invisible Children with the most international president the US has ever seen! Get Ready America!
I can't wait to have kids in the white house again. I can't wait to have global issues on the front burner and actively taken into consideration. I want to dedicate my life to global issues, and it'll all take place with Obama in office.
I can't wait until this time next year when I'm a roadie for Invisible Children with the most international president the US has ever seen! Get Ready America!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
And so it begins...
That's one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, for those who don't know). It's held true on so many occasions. I tend to get myself into trouble or into life-changing experiences--both good and bad--by standing by those four words. I can't wait for the rest of my life to play out. Sure it'll be fun to live it, but it'll be even better to look back in 20 years and say to myself: "well, you actually did it."
I'm ready to get out in the world and just have fun, live life to the fullest, meet incredible people, do incredible service to everyone, and love everything. There is a lot of hatred and violence in the world, but I believe there is a certain beauty that comes from ugliness. Invisible Children came from a devastating war in Uganda, and I can think of nothing more beautiful than a non-profit organization that recruits the youth of America for a common purpose.
I want to put it in writing right now: I want to work for Invisible Children. Now I can come back later and smile to myself once it's come true. In fact, I want "later" to be the "near future." I would like to work for Invisible Children this coming fall--one year from now. How manageable is that? Pretty much so.
I've worked everything out with my advisers, gotten the support of many people here at Mizzou, kept my love for Africa and IC alive for the fourth year running, and met Invisible Children roadies that have encouraged me to go for it! All that remains to be done are the parental pleading and convincing and the actual application/acceptance process. Sure there's a chance things won't go as planned, but that's what makes life so great. I love making plans, even when I know they will change, because changing them means I get to continue working, just change directions. I vow to go to Africa someday, sooner rather than later, but who can plan? I vow to work for IC; I vow to have an impact. That's all I want out of life, is the knowledge that I've made a difference.
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