10:32 thoughts on life

It's 10:32 am on Sunday November 16. I'm only five days away from Thanksgiving break and OH do I need it. I have to say I am still loving life, but now I'm a bit disappointed and slightly uncertain about some things. Most of all, I'm nervous now about my roadie application. I think Shawn Schmalken had a much better chance than I did at getting the roadie position, and yet, here he is getting rejected. He's disappointed, sure, but he'll be fine. I don't know if I'll be fine if I get rejected. I've poured so much effort into this. I've tried to get people to support me so I improve my chances of being told yes. I've thrown myself into the club at Mizzou to try and keep my interest and faith alive. I don't know if that's enough. I'm so excited to meet these people with whom I've had contact for the past several months and to actually feel like I'm doing something with my life. I don't know what'll happen if all that is taken away from me with a simple "no."

I really want to make a difference in the world. I want to have the same effect on people's lives that Invisible Children has had on my own life. If I had not discovered this organization in 2005, would I be here now? Probably not. I probably would be at Mizzou, still, but certainly not president of IC:MU and certainly not associating with people from all over the US, and certainly not devoting my life to a cause with little to no security. There is competition in this world, even within nonprofit organizations. I want nothing more than to be a part of it, but getting there is going to take some work.

I'm not much one for praying anymore, but on occasion I ask the god(s) to watch over particular people like my roadie friends and my family and friends. I ask now that he/she/they watch over me as I try to come to terms with my very real situation. This is not life or death, but it could change a lot for me and I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of change yet.

I'll just have to keep the excitement alive and continue working for what I believe is right. Hopefully everything will work out as planned and I can be an influence and inspiration for someone else.


This is an example of what I've been working on for the past couple months. With any luck this will be a huge success and I can prove to Natasha and to Aaron that Mizzou is here to stay and that I personally am ready to devote my life to this cause.

YES WE DID!

President Barack Obama! It feels so good to say that. This is history. It wouldn't matter how the vote fell; the winner and loser of the election would both certainly have made every history textbook, every newspaper, every household of minorities and majorities alike.

I can't wait to have kids in the white house again. I can't wait to have global issues on the front burner and actively taken into consideration. I want to dedicate my life to global issues, and it'll all take place with Obama in office.

I can't wait until this time next year when I'm a roadie for Invisible Children with the most international president the US has ever seen! Get Ready America!

And so it begins...

That's one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, for those who don't know). It's held true on so many occasions. I tend to get myself into trouble or into life-changing experiences--both good and bad--by standing by those four words. I can't wait for the rest of my life to play out. Sure it'll be fun to live it, but it'll be even better to look back in 20 years and say to myself: "well, you actually did it."

I'm ready to get out in the world and just have fun, live life to the fullest, meet incredible people, do incredible service to everyone, and love everything. There is a lot of hatred and violence in the world, but I believe there is a certain beauty that comes from ugliness. Invisible Children came from a devastating war in Uganda, and I can think of nothing more beautiful than a non-profit organization that recruits the youth of America for a common purpose.

I want to put it in writing right now: I want to work for Invisible Children. Now I can come back later and smile to myself once it's come true. In fact, I want "later" to be the "near future." I would like to work for Invisible Children this coming fall--one year from now. How manageable is that? Pretty much so.

I've worked everything out with my advisers, gotten the support of many people here at Mizzou, kept my love for Africa and IC alive for the fourth year running, and met Invisible Children roadies that have encouraged me to go for it! All that remains to be done are the parental pleading and convincing and the actual application/acceptance process. Sure there's a chance things won't go as planned, but that's what makes life so great. I love making plans, even when I know they will change, because changing them means I get to continue working, just change directions. I vow to go to Africa someday, sooner rather than later, but who can plan? I vow to work for IC; I vow to have an impact. That's all I want out of life, is the knowledge that I've made a difference.